The Happy Road of Destiny is a Broad Highway

“[If] we believe that this Universe needs no God to  explain it; …it would follow that life originated out of nothing, means nothing, and proceeds nowhere.” – The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 49

Thankfully, I always considered this idea more preposterous than the idea of God.  I spent my childhood in a very science oriented household and later studied French literature, which spawned existentialism.  As a result, I became quite skeptical of Religion.  No matter how much I grew to doubt the existence of God, however, the argument articulately stated above, managed to feed a faint flicker of hope.  Then, I experienced my literal Hell. I define it as the complete and total absence of God.  Strangely, when I felt a complete lack of his presence it proved that he was there, he had been there. 

Many people misunderstand the scary world of addiction.  No one can know what it's like unless they too, have been in its terrifying grips.  This truth does not apply solely to addicts, though.  The same can be said for any person, or group of people.  We never really know what another thinks or feels, until we have been in his place.  In the past year, I have seen two animated films parody support groups, like AA.  In a Toy Story short film, Buzz tries to escape from a fast food restaurant where he was accidently locked at closing time.  He falls from an air vent, landing in a support group for rejected kids’ meal toys.   SImilarly, in Wreck it Ralph, the protagonist is unhappy to be “the bad guy” in the video game where he lives.  He is in a support group with other digitized villains.  These scenes are funny and probably harmless.  Nonetheless, they oversimplify people in support groups as freaks and losers.   Stereotypes like this are all over the place. 

It is human nature to condemn others before thorough investigation.  In fact, I took this quote from the same page cited above, “we used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs when we might have observed that many spiritually minded persons of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness, and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves.” I, myself, am guilty of the two aforementioned misjudgements.  I sanctimonously scoffed at Religion and AA, when I could have benefitted from both.  In this article, I hope to clear up some common misconceptions about AA.  First, it is a very spiritual program, but it is not a religion, or worse, a cult.  You are not obligated to adhere to rigid beliefs.  Quite to the contrary, AA encourages each person to embrace whatever image of God makes sense to him or her individually.  “To AA the realm of the Spirit is broad and roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive to those who earnestly seek.” (p. 46)  The only thing needed to embark on a new and infinitely happier way of life is a willingness to believe in a power greater than oneslf.  So what exactly is AA and how does it work?  For those who are curious, I will summarize Chapters 2-7 of the Big Book, affectionately termed the AA Bible. 

AA is a “12 Step Program.”  Often trivialized on T.V. or in movies, this term has its own unfortunate associations.  Misunderstanding the recovery process stems in great part from the stigma of addiction.   I believe that familiarization with the true purpose and function of these 12 steps in peoples’ lives will quickly erase misconceptions.  For context, Chapter 1 is the primary founding member, Bill Wilson’s personal story.  Chapters 8-10 are addressed to wives, families, and employers. Chapter 11 is the story of how AA, the program, was born.  The rest of the Big Book is composed of personal accounts from various alcoholics and serve as a testament to the power of the 12 steps outlined in Chapters 2-7.  These stories always recount the alcoholic’s life in 3 stages: 1) before AA, 2) how the person found the program and why they stayed, and 3) life afterwards. 

Chapter 2 : There is a Solution

This Chapter defines the type of drinker who qualifies as an Alcoholic.  An Alcoholic may begin a drinking career in many different ways.  Some progress to the point of needing AA quickly and others more slowly.  A person needs AA when (s)he has “lost all control of liquor consumption – once they start drinking.”  Another characteristic is that the person has two vastly different personalities.  When sober the person is just like anybody else, but when drinking it’s as if a totally different person emerges in his place.  The true alcoholic continues to drink despite overwhelming reasons to stop such as DUIs, trouble at work, broken marriages, and unhappy families.  “Eventually every alcoholic arrives at a point where even the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of no avail.”  People who are not Alcoholics can not comprehend this.  Why would a person continue to drink in the face of many compelling reasons to stop?  This is why only another alcoholic can truly be of help.  A former drunk can show an alcoholic that they have been in the same spot, which lends credibility and makes the sufferer willing to listen.    Before that is even possible, however, the alcolholic “must come to a point where the painfulness of drinking is enough for a person to consider something totally different.”  

Chapter 3 : More About Alcoholism   

Chapter 3 addresses the first of the 12 steps: Admit to being an alcoholic.  Shame, fear, and personal prejudice prevent many in need from making this first move.  This chapter describes why this is so hard for an alcoholic.   First of all, the admission means that (s)he can never drink normally again.  The idea of living without alcohol is unbearable, because it has become a vital coping mechanism.  The drinking is actually a symptom of a thinking disorder.  Once a person becomes an alcoholic (s)he forever loses the  ability to drink reasonably.  A “curious mental phenomenon” takes place in the mind of an alcoholic, whereby the most trivial excuse to drink will eventually win out over all best intentions, self-knowledge, or otherwise “sound reasoning.”  This chapter tells the story of two men who refuse to take Step 1, although they recognize drinking is a problem.  They eventually land right back in the same horrible messes that initially drove them to AA.  An analogy for a person in need of AA, but unable to make Step 1 is a Hitchiker who keeps running into traffic despite broken bones, head injury, and paralysis.  Chapter 3 insists that the alcoholic has no power to resist alcohol.  It may be temporarily avoided, but ultimately alcohol will seduce a drunk to utter misery, insanity, jail, or death.

Chapter 4 : We Agnostics

The quotes at the beginning of this article are from Chapter 4.  It covers the Spiritual terms of the Program and Steps 2 and 3.  “Deep down in every man is the fundamental idea of God.  Faith and the a power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives are facts as old as man himself.”  Although belief in God is natural, modern life disillusions many, making them antagonistic.  Chapter 4 remarks that material progress was “hindered by stubborn adherence to superstitions,” in ancient times.  Galileo was almost executed on grounds of heresy for concluding the earth revolved around the sun.  Today the tables have turned.  Some feel we have enough scientific understanding to disprove the existence of God.  To complicate matters, certain religious groups are associated with beliefs which some do not regard as “Godlike.”  The Chapter “We Agnostics” urges people who have trouble with the idea of God to abandon all troublesome images of God and just ask, “Am I willing to believe that there is a Power greater than myself.”  This is Step 2.  Oftentimes it takes the choice between alcoholic destruction and spiritual open-mindedness for the latter to be seriously considered.  In Step 3, the alcoholic honestly asks whatever conception (s)he now has of a higher power for help with the drinking problem.   The chapter concludes hopefully with, “He has come to all who have honestly sought Him.  When we drew near to Him, He disclosed Himself to us.”                                                                                                                   

Chapter 5 : How it Works

In this chapter the 12 steps are listed, which you can see here: http://www.aa.org/en_pdfs/smf-121_en.pdf. The first few paragraphs leading up to and including the list are read at the beginning of most AA meetings.  How it Works is primarily a discussion of Step 4, however.  In Steps 1-3 the alcoholic has already 1) Honestly admitted to being an alcoholic 2) become Open to belief in a higher power higher 3) Willingly asked that power for help. 

Step 4 now focuses on the main character defect of all alcoholics, which drinking greatly aggravates: self-centeredness.  As they drink more, alcoholics grow increasingly isolated.  This does not mean the Alcoholic is mean or intentionally selfish, but they have a warped view of life.  In fact, alcoholics are usually hardest on themselves.  However, the one-sidedness of their perspective leads them to honestly believe that others are ‘picking on’ them.  In reality, they can’t see how they’ve unwittingly provoked others.  Feeling misunderstood and bullied, the alcoholic becomes very resentful.  Step 4 is likened to a good “housecleaning” because in it, the alcoholic makes a list of all people they resent.  This list has 4 columns, one for the person’s name, another for a quick explanation of the problem with that person, A third for the aspect of the alcoholic’s life affected (i.e. finances, romantic relationships, etc.), and a last for the part the alcoholic may have played in the misunderstanding (this usually involves help from one’s sponsor and will be discussed in Step 5).  Though it takes time to accomplish, the alcoholic begins to look outside of him or herself, rather than to live in a head haunted by resentments.

Chapter 6 : Into Action

This Chapter outlines Stpes 5-11 and is so full of important information that I attached a link to it here: http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt6.pdf  First of all, Step 5 involves choosing someone with whom to share the list made in Step 4.  It must be a thorough list, including every ugly little secret that might later drive the alcoholic to drink again.  Steps 4 and 5 are the most difficult for many, but also the most liberating.  Up until now, the alcoholic has been living a double life.  (S)he wants to believe that (s)he’s the good person (s)he strives to be when sober.  Secretly, (s)he is tortured by shame and guilt for the things (s)he’s done while in an alcoholic fog, whether drunk or not.  Step 5 allows the alcoholic to admit his or her dark secrets to another person, usually a sponsor (a mentor in the program), who helps point out where (s)he had a part in past hurts.  Alcoholics, though often terrified of this step, feel enormous relief afterwards.  Their sponsors do not judge or chastise them, instead they confess to the same or worse.  With the sponsor’s help, a list of character flaws is made during the 5^th step discussion.  Fear is usually at the top of the list, fear of getting hurt, fear of loss, or fear of not getting what one wants.  Step 6 ideally happens immediately after Step 5.  The alcoholic takes a quiet moment alone and meditates on his flaws and the willingness to ask for God’s help in removing them.  The process of Steps 5 and 6 may take a long time, possibly days or weeks, because they involve a complete shift in thinking.  The alcoholic must own personal wrongdoing previously assigned to others and then accept rather drastic behavior changes. 

Now halfway through the Steps, the two hardest of the three essential components of AA have been tackled.  The third component is covered in the 12^th step, next Chapter Working With Others.  Now, the alcoholic has learned to rely on God and accept personal responsibility.  As a result, steps 7-11 usually flow more easily.  When ready for Step 7, the alcoholic officially asks God to help change his outlook and behaviors, so that (s)he can be more helpful to others.  A great 7^th step prayer is suggested on p. 76.  In Step 8, the 4^th Step list comes back out and the Alcoholic makes another list of all people who (s)he’s hurt because of drinking.  Some people may be added to the 8^th step list who were not on the 4^th step list.  It is important to consult with a Sponsor before deciding who will be involved in Step 9, where the apologies are made.  Situations involving bruised egos, jilted lovers, or criminal activity will require guidance from an objective point of view.  Sometimes letters or anonymous payments may be deemed more appropriate than a face to face confrontation.  Above all in Step 9, the alcoholic must focus solely on his or her bad behavior and approach each “ammendment” with true humility.  On page 83, the 12 AA promises are listed.  If the Alcoholic has come this far, they will likely see that the promises for a happier life have come true or that they are at least possible.  This initial “amends making” clears the way for Step 10 in which a person regularly self-assesses, then identifies and apologizes for bad behavior.  Finally, Step 11 encourages a continual life of prayer and meditation.  Steps 10, 11, and 12 become a habitual part of the devoted AA mermber’s everyday life.

Chapter 7 : Working With Others

This Chapter is entirely dedicated to Step 12.  Once the alcoholic learns to live by the principles of the Program, (s)he must work to help others who are still suffering.  Chapter 12 advises how best to go about this.  The key is to share one’s own experiences in order to show that we understand.  Also, the spiritual aspect must not be pushed, nor entirely avoided.  One must always keep in mind that if the other “is to find God, the desire must come from within.”  12^th Step work can take many forms, including showing up at meetings.  Sponsoring another alcoholic is 12^th step work and 7 Chapter remarks that the sponsor may benefit more from this relationship than the sponsee.  The alcoholic can never be “cured” and the program is like medicine.  The fellowship is an integral part of AA, because left alone, the alcoholic will fall prey to that “curious mental phenomenon” and act on an insanely trivial excuse to drink.  Listening to each other, alcoholics are reminded of their tendency towards self-centeredness.  Also, bearing witness to the miracles in one another’s lives of recovery strengthens reliance on God.

I think AA is beautiful in its life-saving simplicity.  No one with a basic knowledge of Alcoholics Anonymous could dismiss it as a cult or mere club for freaks and losers.  Once again, I see a common thread weave through this Spiritual way of life and all others that I've studied.  Though not a Religion, AA’s core values are the same as one. The basic elements of all forms of Spirituality are a personal connection to the Spiritual Realm, where one seeks the strength to live honestly and humbly.  Once thus fortified, one seeks to share this connection with others by loving and caring for them.  This in turn, strengthens the spiritual connection.  Some members of AA remark that it's a shame non-Alcoholics don’t have “a program” too and I agree.