Addiction - Spiritually Sick

How and why do people become addicted to drugs and/or alcohol?  The answer to this question is complex and involves multiple factors.  The recovery process can be equally enigmatic, especially when asking why some addicts quit while others simply won’t.  As someone close to an addict, I know just how excruciating it can be to watch as he or she struggles.  For parents, I imagine it to be especially difficult.  In my case, my loved one was a romantic partner.  Eventually I had to leave because I needed all the strength and support I could muster to beat my own drinking problem.  Now, years later, I still wonder about my ex and whether or not he managed to get clean.  This is a part of his story that I witnessed……

When Aymeric was a little boy, he lived in a small town in rural Normandy.  Annie taught English and Patrick, a sound engineer, frequently toured with rock bands.  He worked with several big names, primarily English bands, throughout the ‘80s.  In those early years, Aymeric was essentially raised by his Mom.  She told me that sometimes, when the two of them left for school early in the morning, they would get stuck in deep, spring mud or winter snow.  She and Aymeric would have to walk back, 20 minutes or more, along the unpaved country road that led to their remote house.  Patrick would grumble noisily like a bear on these occasions, because he had only just gone to bed.  The three of them would tramp back out into the mud or snow.  Patrick, angry, in his bathrobe would bluster all the back and grunt dramatically as he pushed the car out of the rut.  But more often, he was travelling.  

Once Aymeric mentioned that on the rare occasions when his Dad came in time for dinner, his Mom would whisper, “Go welcome your Daddy home.”  He’d stop his chore in the kitchen, walk nervously into the front entryway, and greet his Dad with a polite, “Bonsoir Papa.”

At 8, Aymeric moved with his family to Vancouver, Canada.  They had wanted to move to the US, preferably California, but the immigration process was far too difficult and expensive.  Immigrating to Canada is much easier, especially for French citizens.  They had no desire to move to Quebec because of the weather.  Also Patrick is utterly disdainful of Canadian French.  He often remarked, with a curled upper lip, that he would rather speak English, which said it all.  A big, cosmopolitan city and a foreign culture was a very big social adjustment for the eight year old, self-professed Mama’s boy.  Kids on the playground quickly noticed that “Your Mama” jokes really pissed off the weird French kid.  With his fancy clothes and funny accent he was a big target and he made a name for himself that first year in BC by fighting and taking regular trips to the Office.

It was around this time that Aymeric developed a weight problem.  A couple of years into our relationship, he told me that he would tell his Mom he was sick so he could stay home and eat all day.  One night, about a week or so after our wedding, his Dad pulled out some old home movies.  Even though I’d already heard his friends’ jokes, the image of him as a 150 pound 10 year old upset me.  Aymeric pointed at the TV, mocking the fat boy in a swimsuit, “Quelle baleine.”  (What a whale) When the little boy yelled out happily, “Regarde Papa!” and jumped in the pool, Aymeric laughed a little too hard.  “Listen to that squeeky baby voice!  Woah, watch out, tidal wave!”  He made all these comments in the third person.  When I think of this now, I remember Annie telling me that Aymeric was the sweetest little boy, so thoughtful and loving. 

The next video we watched was the last family vacation they took to Florida before they kicked Aymeric out for doing drugs.  On a pontoon boat in the Everglades, Aymeric sulked lean and shirtless.  Meanwhile his parents pointed out alligators over excitedly, acting like parents in denial of their kid’s drug use.  They’d almost had to cancel the trip.  He’d been gone from home for weeks leading up to it.  Annie and Patrick had scoured the city, called all of his friends.  Strangely, Aymeric seemed a lot more comfortable seeing this version of himself.  He liked his tan torso against white shorts and designer sunglasses.  I looked over at Patrick.  His face, so tender towards the other boy, had hardened, his twinkling, almost teary eyes stormed black.  

Research has shown that the younger people are when they start using drugs or alcohol, the more likely they are to become addicts as adults.  Even though parents may think that adolescents don’t listen to adults, parental objection to substance abuse has been correlated to a lower likelihood that a teen will partake in this dangerous pastime.  Furthermore, lenient societal laws and norms have a directly proportional tie with higher percentages of the population who take drugs or drink to excess.  Canada has a higher percentage of the population who have tried drugs such as cocaine or marijuana and they also have less stringent consequences for drug use.  

Spirituality has long been heralded as a means of prevention for addiction.  For example, a University of Tennessee study from 2003 found that, “adolescents who were more spiritual than their peer groups had a lower rates of depression and higher self-esteem.” (GOD is the Answer, Maclean’s Vol. 28, Issue 13/14, Brian Bethune and Genna Buck)  Likewise, spirituality is the key component in 12 step recovery.  It is important to emphasize that spirituality is different from religion.  According to progressive social workers dealing with addiction, individuals who have had a bad experience with religion do not embrace the spiritual component.  Yet most "recovery programs do not attempt to impose a narrow belief system on people." (Radicalizing Recovery:Addiction, Spirituality, and Politics, Social Work, Vol. 41, Issue 3, Carolyln Morell) 
Finally, because addiction changes the brain functioning in an individual, abstinence alone will many times not be enough for a person to return to happiness.  The twelve steps, which are founded on a spiritual component, often work where everything else has failed.  The steps take the recovering addict through the stages needed to repair one’s instinctive way of behaving.  Whereas addicts tend to lie, cheat and steal, the twelve steps foster honesty, integrity and forgiveness, thus bringing about a complete transformation of a person's psyche.